Some people are just nice.

I'd like to propose to you an investment opportunity, or to phrase it differently an opportunity to change your lives for the better.

I have been diagnosed with MS and resultingly unemployed for over two years now. Throughout I have thought that I need to use my abundant amount of free time productively. And now I have done that, and what a product. Let me introduce to you the Selfie Prick.

The idea for this invention came when my sister received in the post a selfie stick which she is using on holiday in America with her boyfriend. I fulfilled what I believe to be my moral obligation and called them a pair of wankers. But I didn't feel this was justice enough, it's not as though the only punishment for murder (another immoral act) is to be called a rude word. And so I invented the Selfie Prick.

I'm sure it has become apparent by now that I do not approve of selfie sticks. Should you insist on taking a selfie then we, the human race, have been blessed with arms. Simply extend your arm and take the photo yourself. And in most situations you could always ask somebody to take a photo for you. Conversation is a dying art, not all strangers are thieves, muggers or worse. (Nor indeed are all strangers as bonkers as I am.) Some people are just nice. (A quote from Thou Shalt Always Kill by Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip which gives some excellent life advice, apart from the killing bit at the end.)

The Selfie Prick is much like a selfie stick in that it has an extendable arm and collapses into a pocket sized, lightweight device when not in use. Now for the good bit, rather than a phone holder at the end of the arm there is a sharp needle. The idea being that when you see somebody using a selfie stick you immediately extend your Selfie Prick and jab them with it. I know, genius isn't it?

I proposed this idea to a friend (Katy) and she immediately shot it down, claiming it would classed as ABH (actual bodily harm) if you were to poke a stranger with a needle. I disagree, but should anyone be arrested for this I would use some of the investment to pay for their bail. Criminal acts are superfluous when committed as an act of moral duty.

Once the Selfie Prick has established itself in the market I already have numerous ideas of complimentary products. For example, a scoring card, 10 points for a jab in the arm, 20 for in the tummy and 50 if you make them cry, that sort of thing.

I have no doubt this product will sell extremely well and hopefully it will improve society. Instead of running the risk of being jabbed by a needle, simply ask someone to take a photo of you. Remember, some people are just nice. (And if they are a thieving toerag and try to run off with your camera, extend the arm on the Selfie Prick and stab it in their heads. Dual purpose!)

All investments welcome, together we can make the world a better place.

PS: If you own a selfie stick and are a little confused then I am morally obliged to tell you that you are in fact a wanker.

PPS: I could really do with the money. This week I treated myself to a magnifying glass. A posh, electronic magnifying glass machine thing. It cost £1995. What does it do? Allows me to read. That money was intended to take me around South East Asia for three months and then on to Australia. Until now I have not touched the money I had saved to go travelling, I was going to buy lottery tickets with it but my mam said I wasn't allowed and given I live at home pretty much rent free and she doesn't set many rules I resisted. I've managed to go without redoing anything other than my iPad for about two years now and whilst this device will come in useful I've only decided to buy it so I can read a book about poker I've bought. Basically my career as a poker player hasn't even started and I'm two grand down.