Hello... It's me.

Hi! I'm Patrick, I'm 24 and I have MS. I've decided to start writing a blog. Not because I think many people will read it (maybe my mam and my dog, but my dog can't actually read) but in the hopes it may be therapeutic for me, and at worst it'll kill a bit of time. For reasons that will become self evident I am using Siri to write this so apologies for any nonsensical words/grammar. (Nonsensical ramblings will be all me though!) This first post will be pretty long winded as I'll tell you about me and my MS, but any future blogs will be much shorter, mainly because I don't do very much!

I was diagnosed with MS on 12 May 2014, six days before I was due to fly to Bangkok and begin travelling for a couple of years. C'est la vie. My eyesight is how I realised something was wrong. It became very blurred and I struggled to read, recognise people, cross roads, that sort of thing. In July of last year I was registered as severely visually impaired, or blind. Over the next few months lots more went wrong. I'm now at a point where I struggle to walk far (I use a walking stick even for short distances), my balance is terrible (it's like being drunk all of the time!), I have uncontrollable intention tremors in both arms (I eat with a spoon, drink with a straw, can't write, type or even balance anything), I struggle to get an erection (which I'm told is very common for men with MS. If you're a lady with MS and struggle to get it up, you've got bigger problems than just MS!) and I suffer terribly with fatigue. In short, MS isn't very nice at all.

Now for some good news,of which there is plenty. I have a wonderfully supportive family. I live at home with my mam and dad (Pops). I find my old man unimaginably frustrating at times. Of course I do, he's my dad! But I know he loves me immensely and would do anything for me (maybe not clean up after himself in the kitchen though!). My mam is perfect. I know you will all say you have the best mum, but you don't, I do! She's my best friend and I say that without an ounce of embarrassment. My sister lives in Manchester. I know she thinks about me and wishes things were different. My auntie is brilliant too. She's extremely generous with her time, driving me round to different hospitals across the North East and she loves me hugely. Next, I have brilliant friends. My MS is difficult for everybody. Some mates prefer not to mention it, others will speak about it and ask questions. Both are fine with me. When I was diagnosed I was scared I would become alienated but in fact the opposite is true. People say you can only carry four or five really close friends throughout your life and although I don't see them as often as I'd like, I am hugely grateful for that handful I carry. And the others? Yeah, they're pretty class too.

Another reason for thanks, optimism and hope is that I am British. We, the British, are blessed with the greatest health care system in the world, the NHS. And it's free! I have received tremendous care from the staff at Sunderland Royal Hospital. I have undergone treatment so that my condition will not deteriorate further. This treatment would not have been available even two years ago, maybe if there is a good time to get MS it's now! Research is ongoing and scientists are hopeful restorative treatment will be available in the coming years.

Restorative treatment could mean I am 'cured' and in truth, that is what I am holding out for. MS is not a terminal disease but I know I cannot die naturally with MS. I can't hold out for that long. When I was first diagnosed, I thought my life was over. My mum and I looked at Dignitas, the assisted dying clinic in Switzerland. My independence, mobility and freedom mean everything to me. I used to run between 50 and 60 miles a week, I'd walk as often and as far as possible and generally loved to be outdoors. To now not even be able to walk along the coast kills me inside. I swim 1200m every day but it's not the same. I can't work due to the wide range of my disabilities and so life is very monotonous. Even with my pet dog Bamboleo around, I am bored. Lonely. 

That said, I am happy. I am very comfortable with the person I am. Strangely, much more so than before I had MS. I am sociable,  positive and even quite funny (Can't you tell? This blog has been a total barrel of laughs!). I am a solid 8 out of 10 looks wise (And if you can't see that, maybe you're the blind one!), And I have a first in maths from the University of Manchester. Basically, when this restorative treatment comes, I am ready to start living life. But I need it to come, and come quickly. Currently, I am existing, not living. I want to be out in the world, contributing to society and starting a family. Leading a normal life.

If you've read all of this, thank you. And sorry, you'll never get that few minutes back! If on the off chance you found this blog anything but a waste of time, please share it with others. Friends, family, strangers. I'll talk to anyone!

As I say, any future posts will be much shorter and probably not about me! More of a social commentary or satirical swipe at the goings on in our world.  I'll end with the title of my favourite song, 'Don't Worry Be Happy'. Life isn't perfect, nothing is. We all have our battles to face but equally, we all have reason to be joyful at times.